The Secret to the Quality of Your Life

On 09.27.09, In coach. coach montreal, coaching, nlp, personal development, self-improvement, By David Kynan

Ever wondered what causes one to live a life of joy and success, and another to struggle and suffer constantly? I think I figured it out.

A unique capacity all humans have is the ability to make decisions. In nearly every moment of our existence we are making decisions. We decide what we are going to wear, what to have for breakfast, which way we are going to drive to work, and on and on. Although it is out of our awareness we are also constantly deciding what to focus on, what to think, how to respond and how to feel.

In order to make decisions we engage in a mental process that runs through a number of steps until the decision is made and action is taken. For each of us this sequence or decision making strategy is mostly out of our awareness- it goes on behind the scenes and under the radar. Also, for each of us this process is highly individual- we each make decisions in our own unique way.

But besides decisions in the now, we have been making decisions all our lives. As soon as our mental and intellectual capacities begin to develop, the unconscious decision making process gets underway. Without even being aware of it, at a very young age we begin to decide what we want, what to value, what things mean to us, what to believe, what to think and feel and how to respond to various circumstances. These early decisions become set and when we are older we find ourselves thinking and behaving in preset ways and wondering why. Even the way in which we make decisions was set with a decision.

The quality of our lives is a direct result of our decision making strategy. Some people live extraordinary lives filled with love, abundance and happiness while others struggle for these things day in and day out. I believe that the difference that makes the difference in the quality of people’s lives is the quality of the decision making strategy that has guided each one of us through every day of our lives.

Here’s why. Throughout life, whenever we are faced with new circumstances or challenges, the mind runs a process to decide how to respond. The mind begins to shuffle through possible responses until it settles on one that is appropriate. Your mind has done this ever since you were extremely young. Once it settles on a response it thinks it appropriate, it puts it into practice. The responses it chooses become habituated- we end up with habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. So what makes the difference in the quality of life?

Some people have excellent decision making strategies. When this process runs, the end result is empowering and enables the individual to respond to situations and circumstances in a way that enhances life. But there are those whose decision making strategy is flawed. The responses chosen at the end of the sequence leave them disempowered and at the mercy of their thoughts, their emotions and their life circumstances.

Today, many in the field of psychology and personal development agree that whatever we experience is, on some level, a choice, whether conscious or unconscious. If someone experiences depression, for example, this was likely an unconscious choice of how to respond to a given set of circumstances. The person’s mind ran through the possibilities of how to respond to challenges and the best possibility it found was the one it implemented. When the decision making process ends with such a disempowering result, I would say the strategy is flawed.

So what makes the difference between someone who ends up with resilience and empowerment and someone who ends up with the opposite?

There are two vital factors. The first is creativity. As the mind shuffles through possibilities, how creative is it in generating options? Does it just consider old default options that didn’t work in the past or does it generate new possibilities that might work better in the future?

Imagine going through life constantly making decisions with no access to your creative resources. You will constantly react out of old patterns and end up with the same results you have always ended up with. As you go through life you gain wisdom and experience, you learn from others around you and even have options and possibilities presented to you from books, television and movies. All these things can be drawn on to increase your creative potential for responding to different circumstances.

The most important aspect of the decision making strategy is what I call anti-virus software. When a decision is made and an appropriate response is settled upon, does the mind run a quality control check to make sure this is really the best response? In strategies that lead to disempowerment it does not and there are negative consequences. If the strategy ends with, “Ya, this will do” without a bit of “Hm, what might be wrong with this? Is there anything better?” life will be pretty rocky. This final step weeds out responses that disempower like depression, worry, anxiety, frustration, stress, overwhelm etc.

I realized one day as I looked back on the past on how I had become who I had become that in my own decision making strategy all throughout life there was both a lack of creativity and a lack of quality control. This left with responses to the challenges of life that were less empowering. I had to update my internal software and program in a new strategy that would enhance the quality of my life from that point on.
If your life isn’t the way you want it, take a look at how you have been making decisions about how to respond to life. You can always choose new and better ways of responding to what life sends your way.


 
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How to Cure Depression and Anxiety

On 09.12.09, In anxiety, anxiety canada, anxiety cure, anxiety montreal, anxiety quebec, anxiety treatment, fear, nlp, panic attacks, panic attacks montreal, phobia, psychology, psychotherapy montreal, therapy, By David Kynan

It’s all over the news. Almost every news site, TV station and newspaper in Canada has reported on the recent findings in the latest edition of The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry: 15% of pre-schoolers are affected by high anxiety and depression.

According to the study by Montreal researchers, such children have mothers who are afflicted, and this is the second most important predictor of whether the child will suffer from the same problem.

The findings of the study raise the question: Are anxiety and depression passed down genetically, or learned?

Stats Canada recently reported that Anxiety is the most common mental health problem in Canada. The Statistics Canada Community Health Survey of Mental Health and Wellbeing revealed that hundreds of thousands of Canadians suffer from anxiety disorders the same survey reported that Canadians struggle to find adequate treatment for their anxiety.

When I was a child, I was extremely depressed. For a while I bought into believing that I had a chemical imbalance and that my problem was genetic. But then I decided to consider some other perspectives. What if it wasn’t genetic, but learned? What if I learned this growing up and it was a thinking style I was continuing to repeat?

I wondered… if it was learned, it can be unlearned. When I was about 13 I decided that negativity and depression were something I learned, and that I was going to everything I could to change. And I did. If I had bought into the idea that they were genetic, I would still be stuck and suffering, years later.

What most people are not aware of is that both anxiety and depression have a structure. You have to do certain things with your mind in order to experience anxiety and depression. I see them as results we produce with our minds, and not conditions we suffer from.

The latest science supports this view. According to Cognitive-Behavioural Psychology, our emotions are the result of our thoughts. How we feel stems from how we think. In “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,” a book which clearly explains the cognitive model of psychology, Dr. David D. Burns, an eminent psychiatrist and expert in mood disorders explains; “The first principle of cognitive therapy is that all your moods are created by your ‘cognitions’ or thoughts. A cognition refers to the way you look at things –your perceptions, mental attitudes, and beliefs. It includes the way you interpret things- what you say about someone or something to yourself. You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment.”

In order to conquer my own demons, I set out to learn how the mind worked. Now, using what I learned, I am able to guide a client suffering from total panic to perfect Zen. In seeing the mind as a system and accepting that emotions result from thoughts, I have shown clients how their mind worked to produce anxiety and how to reprogram their minds to produce something else. I have yet to find a case of anxiety I could not completely resolve in 12 hours. I am so convinced that anxiety is curable that I make the following claim to everyone I meet, speak to or present for: “I Will Completely Eliminate Your Anxiety and Panic Attacks for Good, 100% GUARANTEED Even if Nothing Else Has Worked for You.“

If we see depression and anxiety as genetic, we doom ourselves, and our children, to taking medication, medication that in my view, treats the symptoms and not the cause. Not long ago, a woman suffering from depression and anxiety came to see me. She said her problem was the results of a chemical imbalance, but she also said she was very negative. So I said, “You know, you can take all the medication you want and if you’re negative you won’t be any happier.” Her response? “I hate it when you’re right.”

Just today I was reading an article in the Montreal Gazette about research being done on rats to understand human gambling… and develop a drug to treat those with gambling addictions. In our society, we want to solve everything with a pill. If you have a headache, take a pill- no need to bother to find out why you might have a headache. If your child has a learning disability, give him ritalin. If you are overweight, take a pill. The same is true in the case of anxiety and depression. But what if not every solution comes in a pill?

If parents do not resolve their own mental and emotional challenges, our kids are in trouble. Children are voracious learning machines, just think of how effortlessly they learn to walk and talk. If their role models are aggressive, anxious and depressed, how can we expect them to grow up and learn confidence, peace and empowerment?

You can read more about the structure of anxiety in my article, From Total Panic to Perfect Zen, which will be published in the October edition of the Quebec magazine Vitalité.


 
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Recession Proof Your Mind: Part 1

On 02.21.09, In canada economic crisis, canada recession, neuro-semantics, nlp, prosperity, wealth creation, wealth creation montreal recession, By David Kynan

Each day there is more doom and gloom in the media about the economy. Our fears and worries are growing as we look out to the uncertain economic future and the situation that doesn’t seem to be getting any better. The dreaded R-word is mentioned more and more frequently and reports of layoffs, cutbacks and stress on Wall Street are piling up. My bet is that recessiphobia will soon be added to the DSM-IV, the manual used by mental health professionals to classify and diagnose mental disorders.

Most people are certain they will suffer the backlash of the recession and so they tighten their grip on their wallet and hold back from taking risks. They do everything they can to not get poorer, and do little to try to get richer because it’s too risky in a volatile market.
But is the news we are getting about the current economic situation slanted? Are we getting the whole story?

In a recent news article I read that right here at home restaurant sales are down. People are going to restaurants less and when they do, the spend less and tip less. Yet just last night I was looking for a restaurant in downtown Montreal and had to keep going from place to place because each restaurant I tried had a line-up and a 20-45 minute wait. Tough times indeed!

There are many who are getting rich right now despite the current “economic instability.” While the rest of us wake up in the morning with a grumble, pull the covers over our heads and putting our spare change into the piggy bank instead of splurging on that lattes, others are out there turning obstacles into opportunities… and $$$$$.

While many have developed R-word phobia, others jump for joy when they hear about the economic changes. What about you?

The Economist magazine has an index to gauge an economic downturn, by counting the number of times the word “recession” appears within stories in the New York Times and Washington Post. That means the more it is talked about in the media, the more we think we are in one. The more we think we are in one, the more we cut back and save. The more we cut back and save, the more companies decrease production, and the more layoffs are reported. So we save more and cut back more and companies cut back more and lay off more employees. It’s the notorious self-fulfilling prophecy.
Shakespeare said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Could this be true of the recession as well?

When the economy shifts, we respond. Often, however, we do not just respond to the economy, we respond to media reports about the economy. The more the media dramatizes the situation and the more they report on it, the more fearful we become. The more fear we feel, the less we take economic risks- those same risks that fuel a capitalist economy. Are we feeding the recession by starving the economy with our mindset?

Is it true that a recession means trouble? For something to be true, it has to be true for everyone. Since in uncertain economic times some get rich, a recession is neither good nor bad- it’s just a situation. The manager of a company I worked with gives the following suggestion: “Instead of overreacting to problems, react to situations.” That advice is warranted here.

Do those who prosper in a recession prosper by chance? Hardly. Why can some be successful in these times while others not? Many think, consider and reflect on what they want to do. They have great ideas that they ponder, waiting and waiting and waiting for the right moment. What happens? They end up waiting until the right moment has passed.

Many of us want to play the blame game. We ask, “why me?” We focus on all the reasons why we can’t be successful. We’ve fallen into this trap because we don’t want to be at fault, but by letting ourselves get sucked into this game we choose reasons (excuses) over results.

Those who prosper in a recession do so because of the response they choose to events in the world. Instead of catastrophizing, blaming, worrying and complaining, they determine precisely how think to get what they want. They strategize and decide what to do. They are the CEO of their minds.

In these times, many are looking for simple advice as to what to do to keep their heads above the water or if they are optimistic, what to do to climb onto dry land. We want the “3 easy steps to making money in real-estate” or “3 keys to starting your own business in tough times,” but before we start barrelling down with steps we need something much more important. The key to prosperity is not to find the right steps, it’s about what’s behind the steps.

To prosper now we need to improve our thinking and focus. We need to master our thoughts and emotions and respond to life in a way that is aligned with our objectives. Worry and fear don’t lead to success. Penny pinching and risk avoidance don’t make us winners in tougher times. Those who prosper now see the current situation as the perfect time to do things. To them, opportunities abound!

No, positive thinking is just not enough. Saying “The economy is good, the economy is good, the economy is good” is not the way to do it. If you want to come out on top you need to think about the economy in a way that enables you to achieve what you want. According to Forbes magazine, Warren Buffett, the second-wealthiest American (with a fortune of $52 billion) is “sniffing out opportunities created by the recent financial market turmoil.” With $52 billion, Buffet might be just the role model we need. Why leave all the opportunities for him to find?

www.mindworkscoaching.net


 
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The Dance of the Mind: The Key to Superior Performance

On 02.06.09, In business coach, coaching, executive coaching, life coach, life coaching, neuro linguistic programming, neuro-semantics, neurosemantics, nlp, nlp coach, success coaching, By David Kynan

In the quest for health, wealth and happiness, there seem to be a few obstacles. Some of us make it and enjoy abundance, love and success… while others don’t. What’s the deal? What is it that causes one to produce mediocre results while another achieves massive success? What is it that lies behind excellence? What is the key to making it? Is it due to luck and chance? Being born into the right family? Having the right genes? The economy?

If you don’t subscribe to the belief that success is the result of chance, it seems evident that the results you produce in life arise from your behaviour: if you make the right decisions and do the right things, you get the results you want. Logically we can then deduce that if you want the right results, all you have to do is do the right things.

Many approaches to coaching and mentoring rely on this principle. A mentor is someone who has done what you have done and can tell you what to do to achieve the same. In the past, coaching in businesses was performance-based, meaning that organizations tried to squeeze more performance out of employees by getting them to engage in the right behaviours. In essence, according to this approach, to produce superior results, people simply need to be told what to do. Hopefully they will be able to do what they are told and with a bit of luck they actually will do what they have been told to do.

The results with such approaches are often mediocre. If someone told you exactly what to do to make a million dollars, how easy do you think it would be to make it? It’s not always easy to make the right choices and engage in the right behaviours. How often has it occurred that you knew exactly what to do but you didn’t do it? How often do you know exactly what not to do, but you do it anyway? We want to boost our income, but we put important things off until later and enjoy the temporary relief of watching TV. We want to lose weight but we just can’t resist the chocolate cake. And I am sure you have countless personal examples you can add.

It’s common knowledge that it’s tough to change behaviour. Ever tried to kick a habit or change your emotions? It’s hard because emotions and behaviour don’t just come out of nowhere. They are the effect of some cause. To change emotions and behaviour you have to get to the source.
But what is that source? What is it that lies behind behaviour? What lies behind superior performance and success? What makes the difference between star performers and the rest?

The answer is in the mind. Performance is the behavioural manifestation of aspects of cognitive functioning. Your behaviour and the quality of your life are a result of what’s going on in your mind, the factors underlying behaviour: drives, thinking, attitudes, emotions, values, beliefs, assumptions and perceptions.

If you plant a tree and are not happy with the fruit it is producing, do you climb up the tree to see what’s going on and try to change the fruit, or do you go down to the roots? Most of us spend our lives climbing up the tree, pulling on the fruit, yelling at it and wondering why nothing changes. This is not exactly a strategy for success.

Our thoughts, values, perceptions, beliefs and drives lead to emotions and behaviours. It is what is behind the scenes, those aspects of who we are that are out of awareness, that lead to feelings and actions. For you to experience any emotion or produce any behaviour, what is going on behind the scenes must be perfectly aligned with that result. Take a moment to imagine what was going on in the back of Bill Gates’ mind that enabled him to produce one of the largest and most influential companies in the world? What beliefs, assumptions, values and perceptions were hiding in the background? What mindset and attitude were driving him? What emotions did he experience most that led him to do what he did? Now compare that to the inner world of Mother Theresa. What was in the back of her mind that led her to accomplish what she did? These are two very different people with different minds who produced very different results. If the difference is not in the mind, where is it?

The mind is a system, each aspect influencing the others. Change your thoughts and you change your emotions. Change your values, beliefs and perceptions and your feelings and behaviours change. Alter just one aspect of the system and the entire system changes; different beliefs, thoughts, perceptions and drives lead to different emotions and behaviours. Different behaviours lead to different results.

The key to superior performance is in the mind, but what is the mind? Although it sounds like a “thing,” the word “mind” really refers to a dynamic process of thinking, experiencing and feeling. The mind is never static. It is a constant flow of thoughts, images, words, ideas, perceptions and emotions. Mind is an unending dance of information. The question is, is it an expertly choreographed dance in which the dancers move in perfect harmony, or is it a mess of utter chaos and disorder?

The secret to producing results is to have the right things in your mind so you produce the behaviours and results you want effortlessly. Since performance is the behavioural manifestation of a person’s drives, values, beliefs, mindset, and emotions, by optimizing and aligning elements of cognitive functioning, we can program our mind for desired behaviour and results. When what’s in the mind is optimized and aligned, desired behaviours and results come naturally.

Trying to change behaviours and emotions without determining what is causing them is like trying to fill a leaky bucket. You can put in all the effort you want, but you won’t accomplish much until you get to the root of the problem.

When we know what behaviours or results we want to produce, we can backtrack. If you have a certain objective, we can ask: What beliefs would you need to have to produce that result? What drives and intentions would you need? What attitude or mindset would enable you to produce that behaviour? What would you need to value or hold as important to attain that objective? Since mind is in a state of constant flux, it’s easy to make changes to the dance of information. The first step is to take on your role as choreographer.

More and more, companies are realizing that performance-based coaching is not producing the desired results. The newest approaches to coaching facilitate the development of the mindset, attitudes, beliefs and practices for superior results and performance. More and more individuals are realizing that if they want to live the lives they want, they need to change their minds, literally.

What have you got in your mind?


 
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Beliefs: The Software of the Mind

On 11.17.08, In beliefs, coaching, goal setting, goals, life coach, neuro-semantics, nlp, nlp coach, personal development, self-help, self-sabotage, success, success coaching, By David Kynan

With every passing day I am more and more aware of the profound effects our beliefs have on our experience of life and the results we produce.

What is it that causes one to spend life on the streets and another who grew up in complete poverty to go on to make millions? What is it that leads someone to strap himself with explosives and walk into a crowded market place? Why do average people to join cults and end their lives in communal suicide? What is it that causes an athlete to persist despite massive obstacles and win the gold?

The answer is beliefs. Our beliefs function as the map we use to navigate reality, guiding and directing our choices and actions and directly affecting the results we produce in life. They make up the fibre of our experience running behind the scenes like the software of the mind. Without them we would be like a ship without a crew, aimlessly floating in the water with no direction at all.

Where do beliefs come from? We acquired most when we were children. At that time we had limited understanding, awareness and knowledge and formed beliefs based on limited information and evidence. We inherited many from parents, teachers and friends and adopted others from the religious and cultural influences. We also acquired beliefs from our own personal experiences and it was those negative and traumatic experiences that were most likely to help us form our most deeply held convictions. Unfortunately we have never taken the time to update our old programming, most of which is now obsolete.

A belief is formed when we generalize from an experience. We make conclusions about what things mean to us or what is true about reality and then use those as a compass to find our way in the world. A belief is more than just a thought or idea. It is a decision about what we think is true. Often we simply take on the interpretations and opinions of others or our culture at large. We accept what parents and teachers say without questioning their input and adopt ideas from society and religion without considering the consequences. When we are young it’s only natural. Although we think our beliefs are true, they are really just perceptions based on limited information and evidence. Once upon a time you believed that Santa Claus was real and that the tooth fairy paid you visits during the night. Luckily beliefs change with time and experience.

Most of our core beliefs formed as we attempted to make sense of important events that occurred long ago. With our limited knowledge and ability to reason we would analyze and interpret, trying to determine what they could mean. The ideas and meanings we came up with were merely thoughts. For them to become beliefs we would have to confirm them by saying, “Yes, that is true.” Those ideas and meanings we didn’t confirm were discarded and those we confirmed were added to our internal programming.

Why are beliefs so important? A belief functions as a command to the nervous system. When we believe something is true we give a signal to our mind and body about how to feel and behave. Our beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies; we search for evidence to confirm our beliefs and discount evidence to the contrary. People used to believe the world was flat. That had so much faith in this belief and how did they act as a result? Like them, each of us goes through life with many such erroneous beliefs.

As we go through life, we interpret experience seeking to understand reality and discover what is true. We make decisions about what is about the world, but based on limited experience and through the limitations of our own sensory apparatus. No matter what we decide, our beliefs will always remain mere interpretations. They will only be true in a certain time and place and in certain circumstances. A belief is a generalization and no generalization is true 100% of the time. We may never really know what is true.

Instead of trying to find what is true, we need to choose beliefs that are useful. If our beliefs function as a command to the nervous system, we need beliefs that will give the right commands and help us produce the results we want. Beliefs can either be limiting or empowering. They can either prevent us from tapping into our capabilities or enable us to access our full potential to produce results.

If we want a greater quality of life, we need to update our internal software and choose programming that will serve us instead of hold us back. Most of our beliefs are out of awareness and as a result we have never questioned them. They guide our behaviour from behind the scenes and often we are unaware of the effect they are having on our life and the results we produce. To update our programming we need to bring them into awareness and run some anti-virus software. We need to weed out those that are toxic and replace them with new and empowering programs.

How do we bring our hidden programming to the surface? To uncover limiting beliefs, begin to look at the areas of your life that do not seem to be working the way you want. There will almost always be limiting beliefs that you were not aware of contributing to the problem. Once these beliefs are brought into consciousness you can begin to clear them out.

To update your programming take a belief that you feel is limiting you. First, ask yourself whether or not it is really true. Often you will find it is not and this realization will blow it out of the water. Next you can ask yourself, “How would I know if this were not true” or “Has there ever been a time when the opposite were true?” When we reassess old information many of our limiting beliefs cannot hold up.

If you want to produce specific results in any area of your life, once you have set your objective you need to align your beliefs with the result you want. You can backtrack from the result and choose beliefs that will propel you forward by asking yourself, “What do I need to believe to make this happen?”

What did Columbus need to believe to discover America? He let go of his flat world beliefs and chose ones that would lead him to greatness. If someone else is producing the results you would like for yourself, find out what they belief and install it in your own mind. When you have the right software and you are running the right program, you will find it much easier to produce the results you want.

www.mindworkscoaching.net


 
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Faith: Your New Religion

On 09.04.08, In achievement, anxiety, change, depression, eliminate fear, millionaire mind, nlp, personal development, success, wealth creation, By David Kynan

Faith. Almost every person on the planet lives everyday in complete faith. We believe, and we believe in our beliefs. Faith is a powerful force. With every ounce of conviction we can muster we devote ourselves to our beliefs. We commit to upholding them, protecting them, defending them and proving them right.

Problem is most of us put all of our faith in our limitations. We bow down before our “can’ts”… and there are so many of them. “I can’t have what I want.” “ I can’t be who I want to be.” “I can’t do what I want to do.” We live a life that is way below our standards because we have become evangelists of the religion of limitations. We work jobs we hate, struggle to get buy on a measly income, wish for the perfect partner while we sit around alone (watching TV). We don’t have the social life, professional life experiences or freedom we want. We don’t have the power we want, the emotions we want and we are nowhere near having the life we want.

We believe we don’t deserve to have everything we want. We decide we aren’t good enough, lucky enough, worthy enough. And so nothing we have is enough.

But what if the foundations of that religion were to come tumbling down to make way for a new religion?

Each of us has made agreements with reality. Most people signed a pact long ago that they will never be, have or do everything they want. Everyday they live out their limitations wondering why they aren’t fulfilled. But some agreements are meant to be broken.

What if today, right now, you were to make a new agreement with reality? Tear up that old contract and write a new one. In this new agreement you can have anything you want, be anyone you want and do anything, absolutely anything you want to do. As part of this new agreement you put every ounce of your faith in your potential instead of your limitations. You become a disciple of your dreams and an evangelist of the perfect future instead of being a slave to all that you thought was holding you back (which was really just an outdated agreement you made).

Let all of those limitations, the “I can’ts” “I’m nots” and “I won’ts” well up inside of you and begin to dissolve. Make the decision to put your faith in a new religion and watch how your life changes.


 
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No More Positive Thinking!

On 07.25.08, In conscious evolution, nlp, personal development, personal growth, positive thinking, self-help, By David Kynan

What’s with our society’s obsession with positive thinking? Everywhere you turn there are articles, blogs, websites all touting the benefits of “positive thinking.” What the heck does that mean anywa? Ask ten people and you’ll get ten different definitions. Don’t forget to think positive about that!

Positive thinking is the rave in the world of personal development. Those leading the masses to happiness and success have concluded that if we have two choices, namely to think positive or negative, we might as well pick the more positive one! That’s positive thinking at its best. But there are not just two choices. There are so many more ways to think… an infinity of ways!

Personally, I don’t think positive thinking ever got me anywhere. I rose from the depths of depression when I was younger, to being described by Chris Barry in the Montreal Mirror as “happy, happy.” And it’s true, I am happy. Sure I have my short bouts of other emotions and that’s great, because feeling happy happy all the time isn’t what happiness is all about. Happy people are happy to feel a whole range of emotions and to express them. It’s part of the joy of being human.

Sure, I agree, there are lots of emotions we don’t like to feel. We sink back into the positive/negative dichotomy and we talk about “negative” emotions and think that since we have those we need to think positive… But there is nothing negative about negative emotions at all. Most often, “negative” emotions are an important signal. Anger lets us know when our standards have been violated. Sadness lets us know when we have lost something of importance to us. Guilt signals us that we have made a mistake and cues us to be sure not to repeat it. Fear warns us of danger and keeps us from being careless or taking unnecessary risks. And where would we be without these emotions? Would we be happy happy in some kind of utopia?

And yes, there are limits. There is a different between appropriate emotional responses and reactions that just don’t fit or that seem to sweep us away and that we can’t seem to get out of.

What does this have to do with positive thinking? Thinking positive won’t help you respond appropriately to events and situations. It might help you get unstuck when things are rough, but most often it just seems like a way to lie to yourself. When things suck, how well do you respond when someone tells you to “Think positive!”

What we need to do is rethink our thinking. To respond to life and the world with in ways that enhance our lives and empower us, we need to think in ways that are useful. To “think positive” doesn’t really give us any specific information and might not always be appropriate. But each of us can determine what is the most useful and empowering way to think in a given situation. If you are where you are and you want to be somewhere else, how do you need to think to get you there?

When I learned this principle a number of years ago, it seemed to have a domino effect in my world. Instead of thinking on automatic and responding to things in habitual ways (which led me to depression and gloom) I began to see new ways of perceiving and reacting. All of a sudden the cause-effect equation was broken. Instead of all kinds of events causing pain and hurt, events and circumstances suddenly had a wide range of implications. I had the choice of how to respond and my respond was dependent on the meaning I gave to the event. With this new program running in my mind, interpreting things in a way that brought me down just seemed silly. It gave me the opportunity to update my internal programming… which most of us have never done. The software of our mind today was installed years ago, when we had less wisdom, less experience and fewer resources, and it has stuck with us ever since. What wondrous things will happen in your life when you run some anti-virus software on your internal computer?

Each time I hear self-help gurus sing the benefits of positive thinking, I wonder how useful it is. Useful thinking seems more positive in the end and gets you further.

So how do you need to think so you can live a better life?


 
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Change Your Physiology – Change Your State

On 06.12.08, In anxiety, calm, depression, feel good, happiness, life coach, nlp, physiology, relaxation, state control, stress, well-being, By David Kynan

We all know that our emotions are reflected in our physiology. When you are depressed you slump your shoulders, your breathing becomes shallow, and you usually look toward the ground. When you are excited you stand up tall, breath quickly and smile.

But just as state affects physiology, our physiology affects our state. If you change your physiology, how you feel will change in accordance. Actually, using your physiology is the fastest way to change your state.

Often we get stuck in certain states… perhaps something goes wrong and we get stuck feeling blue, or we get angry and can’t shake it, or we feel anxious for far too long. You can use your physiology to shift out of these states at will.

I was working with a company yesterday to coach one of their sales agents. He’s a vibrant guy with lots of energy and a pleasure to talk to… yet when he gets on the phone to make a sales call, that powerful and confident persona gets put on pause. He’s “business persona” was not nearly as powerful and persuasive as his natural self. This makes a bit of sense – we think that in a business setting we need to be “professional,” yet if being professional means restricting our behaviour and sounding serious and stuffy, it’s not going to get results, especially not in sales.

I could hear that he needed to shift his state when he got on the phone. I asked him to show me his physiology when he got on the call. His was leaning forward with a serious expression on his face. Just taking on the physiology brings on the state.

I then asked him to show me the physiology he normally had when speaking to friends or colleagues. He leaned back and relaxed, opening up his arms and chest. I had him make a call with this new physiology and the change was stunning. Now he was a vibrant and confidence executive on the phone… and all it took was a change in physiology.

You can use your physiology to change your state anytime. If you are feeling down, stand up straight, look upward and breathe deeply. If you are feeling anxious, take on the physiology of calm.

You can actually compare the physiology of two emotional states to notice the differences and make the shift. If there is certain state you would like to access, ask yourself what is the physiology you adopt when in that state . Then shift your posture, breathing and facial expression to match… and notice the change.


 
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The Prescription for Happiness

On 01.18.08, In alternative medicine, antidepressants, anxiety, cure, depression, drugs, holistic medicine, nlp, quebec under the influence, treatment, By David Kynan

A recent Quebecois documentary is making quite a stir. It’s called Quebec Under the Influence and although the reviews are mixed, I think it’s a great wake-up call. The visual of the film’s advertising says it all: two martini glasses filled with pills. Cheers!

Combine the financial interests of pharmaceutical giants and our constant desire for a quick fix and you get our today’s drug culture. When you have a problem, pop a pill. No need for prevention or other more life enhancing ways of dealing with obstacles when we have drugs!

I think depression is the best example antidepressants are among the most prescribed drugs in the country and incredibly easy to get. Just tell you’re doctor you have the blues and in five minutes or less you’ll have a prescription. But depression often results when a person’s life doesn’t match his or her values and aspirations. The emotions are a valuable signal indicating that changes need to be made. If you don’t like your life you need to do something about it, not take a drug. Happiness does not come in a bottle!

Learning disabilities, insomnia, anxiety… you name it, there’s a drug.

When prospective clients with depression and anxiety call me, almost every single one tells me they don’t want to be on drugs. People have an intuition that drugs are not a solution, but just a band-aid for the symptoms – they do not treat the causes. People know this, but still resort to drugs because they don’t know where else to look. And for almost any problem, there is a more life-enhancing solution just waiting to be found.

If you are looking for a more empowering solution to a problem you face, call me at 514-377-0735 and I will personally help you find what you are looking for. Otherwise, read the full article about how to find happiness outside of the bottle in this coming week’s edition of the West End Times or here.


 
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The Formula for Success

On 12.16.07, In achievement, change, nlp, performance, personal development, psychology, success, By David Kynan

A=n (n-1)/2. That just might be the formula for success. Or maybe not. But there is one you know. It might not be quite as simple as that formula there, but it’s simple enough that we can use it have almost anything we want. Really. Don’t believe me? It’s true that the formula for success and fulfillment has always been a jealously guarded secret. Until now. Success and happiness are far easier to achieve than most people think they are. Want proof?


In high school I was known as the “prince of darkness.” Ya, me. I was a pretty unhappy kid. I felt alone, stuck and frustrated and it seemed there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Sound familiar?

Well, things have changed a little. In an article that appeared recently in the Montreal Mirror I was described as a “highly articulate, happy, happy Westmount resident.” I won’t comment on the articulate part, but I have to say, the rest is true. I am happy, happier than I have ever been. I am doing what I love, traveling the world and pursuing my passion. I’m earning more than ever before and I have practically everything I want. Who would have thought?

So how did I go from depresso to Mr. happy and successful?

That’s a great question. One day something snapped. Something made me realize that if I was so good at feeling bad, if I had mastered that skill, I could be just as good at feeling good. I decided that day to make a solid commitment to finding out how. And I did it.

When I look back sometimes I think I was a pretty stupid kid. I spent so much time down and depressed, wishing there were solutions to all my troubles. What I didn’t know is that there were solutions all along. I just hadn’t found them. Now, I have a new commitment. It’s up to me to help others find the solutions they’re looking for, the answers that they didn’t know (or believe) existed.

I have spent the past 13 years obsessed with uncovering the secrets to happiness and empowerment and since I’m not quite done yet, I figured I would invite everyone else out there on this journey. And I want your help in making this blog the best resource for unlocking the keys to personal fulfillment and success. Stay tuned for the how to’s of achievement, specific tips and techniques you can use, reviews of the most impactful books and movies, and perhaps a few interesting surprises. Let me know what you want to know about or find out how to do and be sure to comment on the postings. A blog is nothing without the interaction of its readers!

Check out my next post: Man: A Learning Machine. The Myth of Learning Disabilities.

Learn more about me and my latest invention, Mindworks Coaching.

Learn about NLP.


 
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