Breaking the Cycle of Worry: How to Worry the Right Way
Worrying is something we all do. We worry about our families, our children, our finances, our health and our careers. We worry about our pets, the weather, the market, the price of gas, retirement, and the list goes on. We worry about what may happen, but has not, and probably will not. We imagine that everything that can go wrong will, and we feel bad in advance for no reason. Chronic worriers get stuck in a never-ending loop, a sequence of thoughts and behaviour that runs again and again, with no way out.
But worry can be a very useful thing. It has surely already helped you prevent disaster and avoid costly errors. It is the reason you purchase insurance and is why you choose to wear a seatbelt and look both ways before you cross the street. It causes you lock your doors to prevent theft and is why you have that savings account in case of emergency. These are useful outcomes, and this is what you get if you worry properly.
Worrying is not something we decide to do consciously. It is almost automatic; we could say that it’s as if there is a “part” of us responsible for the worry. We could call this a “worry part,” but really, it’s a well-being part. Its intention is to protect you from danger and other unpleasant outcomes and to ensure your security, comfort and happiness. Yet the cycle of worry causes more problems than it prevents.
Some of us have mastered the skill of worry to the point where well-being seems unattainable. But what if we could take this ability to worry and transform it into an asset? What if this worry part could become a powerful ally?
The cycle of worry is a three-step process. It usually begins with internal dialogue when we ask ourselves “what if” questions. “What if something happens to the kids,” “What if the investment goes bad,” “What if I lose my job” etc. Next, we see an internal image of the unwanted event in question and we experience it as if it were happening now, not as if it were some a vague possibility far off in the future. Third, we feel bad. This cycle continues incessantly as one thought follows another and more and more negative outcomes are generated. The more we do it, the worse we feel. But worry does nothing to resolve problems or prevent troubles– it doesn’t lead anywhere.
To break the cycle of worry, all we have to do is teach our well-being part to do its job just a little better, so that the worry leads somewhere useful. Worry can be a valuable activity if you do it properly.
If you have a tendency to ask yourself “what if” questions, make sure that when you think of a possibility, you are able to have some distance from it. Take that image and literally push it out in front of you, at least a few feet away. It may sound strange but it really works. When you move an image away, its emotional effect diminishes and you get emotional distance. You will notice that you can then consider possibilities without the tension or fear.
But the key to breaking the worry cycle is to add a couple steps to the process. When you think of a possibility, something that could happen, ask yourself, “Is there any evidence that this will happen?” If the answer is no, you might want to find something else to worry about!
If the answer is yes, you can ask, “What can I do to prevent this?” This will give you ideas of what action you need to take to ensure that things go the way you want. Taking action to resolve problems and prevent danger is the secret to freedom from chronic worry.
Also, you can ask yourself, “What can I do if this does happen?” This question will lead us to do what we call “prepare.” If we are prepared for things in advance, there is no reason to fear.
If you worry, the worry cycle has been programmed in as an automatic behavior. All you need to do is practice adding the above steps until they become just as automatic. Then you can worry about how good you will feel that you have broken the loop and your well-being is assured.
